It amazes me how I can so easily base my worth on how other people view me. It sounds totally ridiculous as I sit here writing this now, but it’s as much a truth in my life as the need to breathe or sleep. Ever since I was a child, pleasing other people was always important to me. Making mistakes or doing something wrong was so mentally jarring that I learned early on to avoid it at all cost. I wasn’t abused or neglected as a child, so I can’t blame this on some terrible childhood experience. My childhood, for the most part, was uneventful and somewhat happy. I say somewhat because I was a fat child, and I’d bet there are very few people who grew up as fat children that would describe their childhood as REALLY happy.
Anyway, today I had an experience that was enough of a nudge to push my self-worth over the cliff, only to land at rock bottom. The event itself was nothing really, it had to do with helping out at a birthday party. I had apparently, not listened when someone asked me to do something. That person pointed out the fact that I had been so involved with trying on new lipstick (actually, it was one of Younique’s lip stains, which I had never tried before), that I had neglected to listen to her and respond accordingly.
A “normal” person would probably not think too much of this. Really, it’s okay to make mistakes. I made one, I apologized for it, and now it’s time to move on…. right? Wrong! What did I do? I wallowed in my own self-pity for a few hours. As if that’s the best way to handle any situation!
In a perfect world, the opinion of someone else would not matter to me. I have often heard this saying, “What others think of you is none of your business.” But saying it, and living it are two different things. So the moral of the story is this: I just need to learn to suck it up and write it down, because making mistakes is part of life, and life is too short to worry about everyone else and their opinion of me. There’s a lot more to me than one silly mistake!
A couple of final thoughts on the day – first, the Younique Stiff Upper Lip stain was GREAT…. so beautiful and easy to apply. Snaps to my mother-in-law who let me borrow it. It didn’t stay on as well as Lipsense would have, but it was pretty darn good and easier to apply than Lipsense.
Second, I fell down in my yard and rolled my ankle. Just saying that I fell doesn’t really do it justice… I slipped on the grass and tripped over my pink flip flop, only to land on my foot in the most awkward position possible, completely twisting my ankle around. I thought I had broken my leg. It hurt, and yes, I cried, but it’s not broken. It’s sprained and swollen, but overall, not too bad. And for that, I am grateful!